This resulted in only 4 bent exhaust valves, which again is a relative blessing.
Feast your eyeballs on this:

And so I've got it almost together again with new valves and headgasket and gravel and lube sauce. The girl who owns this car is budget restricted...so...we get parts off Ebay. I got a tensioner, assuming it's origin is one of Apples' factories in China. But lo' and behold it's stamped with the rings. $39 for this. I've used these (w/o any legitimate markings) on other engines and so far all those installs are still running great with no issues. So I'm taking a chance.
I guess anyones' opinions on these aside from the usual "you get what you pay for" b.s . ?
Timing-Chain-Tensioner-SET-For-AUDI-A3-A4-A6-TT-VW-Jetta-Golf-Passat-Beetle-1-8T

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