My temp tags were expired after picking it up from the body shop (4 days turned into 14 days) and I went to get my necessary emissions test (

Keep in mind the car had 79,1XX miles when I bought it on December 20th and now has 80,7XX. Never an engine related issue other than the cold start rattle for a split-second. Some fresh Lubro-Moly helped quiet it down but it's still there.
What was supposed to take 5 minutes went something like this:
Pull into the emissions facility garage and was instructed to leave the car in 1st gear, handbrake off, and shut the engine off.
Leave the keys in the car and head to the waiting room with windows to watch the entire process.
I watch a guy get in the car, start it, and pull onto the AWD dyno (just waiting for him to wreck my new BBS's...they survived)
Engine is shut off and the facilities OBD computer is hooked up to my car.
Engine is re-started, run on the dyno for less than 2 minutes at lower RPM's (waiting room is soundproof) and engine shut off again.
OBD computer is un-hooked, and I watch two different guys get in the car as my headlights are flashing on and off. Starting to wonder what is up.
They wave to another guy for help and it takes 3 guys to push it off the dyno.
I get called up to the payment window and told the car passed with flying colors but now it refuses to start.
They say here's your paperwork, and we can't legally touch anything on the car to try and help. They can't even help try and jump it.
The employees helped push it outside where I let it sit for the rest of the day.
Symptoms:
It cranks over but only reads 200 RPM on the dash. No battery light or signs of a dead battery.
I end up calling someone for a ride and came back later with some basic tools and another car. Tried jumping the battery off another car and no luck. Popping the clutch wasn't enough to get it started, either. Still getting 12V at the fuel pump fuse so I pulled off the fuel line at the fuel rail and it's still pumping lots of fuel while cranking.
I gave up and called a tow truck. Now it's sitting at the dealer waiting for a diagnosis. I guess I'll wait and see what's wrong to decide if it's just a crazy coincidence or whether the emissions guys managed to screw something up. Nothing more satisfying than watching the tow truck drag the car onto a flat bed while scraping the shit out of my new bumper.
Anyone want to take a guess on what the problem is?????


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